Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
