Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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