did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
