We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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