how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
