the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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