So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
