Redeem this text for a blowjob
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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