oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
