I'm drive I can fine osifer
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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