Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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