She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
