I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
There's always time for handjobs
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
