She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
