you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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