I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
