K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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