If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
