I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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