They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
