Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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