Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
