My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
