If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
