shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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