careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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