I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
