Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
