The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
