Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
