well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My dick has a subreddit
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
