in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
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