I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
