I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
