Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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