atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
