He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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