I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
