I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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