She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
