Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
