i used baking grease as lip gloss
We had to coat check the pizza.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
