i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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