I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
