Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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