he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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