if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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