Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
