I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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