I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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