I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
