Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
