There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
