So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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